A post on a weblog at Crochet spot.com asked if any of we
ladies were planning on crocheting and/or wearing a
crocheted bikini that
season. The responses were filled with vitriol.
I’ve seen many patterns in many books and on many websites
around swimsuit time, but never considered making or wearing one. They are
quick and easy, which just screams “DANIELLE!” but would I ever wear it to the
beach or pool? Not likely.
One poster said she’d use cotton thread but that would weigh
it down, stretch it and make it sag. You would never consider using acrylic
because it is itchy and hot. Something stretchy might work, like that new sock
yarn, but I imagine you’d have to make the stitches pretty small for it to be
functional. I see some comments that you could line it with fabric, making it
more useable, but I side with most of the ladies who said it was a definite “What
Not to Crochet!”
Have you seen that cute
little website? It’s a hoot! Once you
get past the obscene (cock sheaths, 3-D vaginas, and tampon holders) you see
that there are really some kooky things out there that should NOT have been
crocheted!
I have seen what would amount to a pair of flip flops but
since I only have nine toenails, I’ve trended away from things that accent my
feet.
I like a sock monkey as much as the next gal, but I don’t
see the purposeful in an entire dress made out of them. One look at the face of
the model and you can see that she doesn’t see it either.
When Baby #4 was born I wanted a handmade sling for him. Not
wanting to shell out forty dollars for something that I could easily crochet myself, I found a
pattern! The designer warned all takers that her first pattern ended up looking
like a hobo bag. The poor baby would fit inside the “sling” and it would
stretch and sag like a wet bathing suit. Her subsequent pattern fixed those boo
boos, she said, but I figured that with the time and expense of the yarn it
would take to create it, I’d be better off buy it from Target. They had cuter
colors anyway.
Lest I continue to poke fun at others I have my very own
What NOT to Crochet tale. When ponchos were all the rage, the second time(
didn’t we all have one in the 70’s), I decided that I wanted one. I found the
pattern in a leaflet with a sassy young girl modeling with her hands on her
hips. You kinda had to have attitude to make a poncho work, in my opinion.
Sure, Martha Stewart made them really HOT again, but to me they were still
little relics from my youth. I liked the model’s sassy
“I-can-pull-this-look-off” attitude.
I bought the pattern.
I also bought the expensive soft yarn that it called for,
but only 3 skeins of it. 3 skeins would do for the short version, but you’d
need a couple more for the longer version. Three was perfect for quick and easy
me.
I toiled on the pattern so that I could wear it the
following weekend while visiting with friends.
Choosing the short pattern was probably NOT the best idea. It was
completed but looked weird. I wore it
with trepidation, waiting for comments from my friends, but crickets were all I
got in response. Finally one good friend said, “Hey, Danielle, I’d like to wear
a skirt around my neck too…” I took off my “skirt”, pulled out the yarn and re purposed it. Maybe I didn’t have the “sassy” attitude I needed to pull it
off.
“Because it’s there” Said George Mallory when people asked
him why he wanted to climb Mount Everest, the tallest mountain in the world.
“Because I found the pattern on the internet, and really I
think I can make it work for me as long as my toes don’t show and it’s really
not going to take me…”
NOT!
So I'm obsessing over my word count. I've got to get up to 9,000 words AND I've got to get all of those patterns created, all before January 20th. I've got more than half completed already. The company is a how-to publisher, not a crochet publisher, so I think that the pattern testing and editing will be up to me! I've got a pattern tester waiting in the wings(THANKS CHRISTI AND DENYSE!) so I'm not worried about that.
